Mesti you all semua hairan kenapa entri yang berkisarkan kisah kawin ni diberikan tajuk "Aku & Ayah" bukan "Aku & Suami Marilah Kita Menshaggy Secara Halal". Sebabnya ada kisah yang nak diceritakan yang berlaku beberapa hari sebelum hari bersejarah itu.
As u guys already know, i had some minor surgery a few weeks before my wedding. Entry pasal surgery tu i tulis separuh jalan je sebab i x reti nak cerita. I bukan penglipurlara yang baik so kalau i rajin lepas ni i sambung tulis lagi. Sepanjang proses surgery I selalu teringat balik masa I kecik dalam darjah 1 kalau x silap, i baru mula belajar naik basikal and bila dah rasa macam terer macam flying without wings i pun terus fly ke dalam longkang. Habis satu badan basah bau longkang, kening berdarah, hidung pun rasa macam dah lari allignment. Jiran-jiran and all my childhood friends semua tolong angkat I from longkang. But the first name that i called was "Ayah." I was crying for him until he rushed back from his office. Lepas badan kene cuci disabun wangi2 semua, he took me to the hospital. I pegang tangan ayah x lepas2 sampai la ke operation theatre. Kening i berlubang so nak kene jahit. Atas katil bedah pun i was still crying sebut2 nama dia and still holding his hand sampai la i lost consciousness lepas kene bius. And i know sepanjang i kene operate, he was waiting there for me. I knew because i could feel his presence near me.
And kisah yang berlaku 21 tahun lalu tu kerap sangat di replay since the day aku nak kene operate lump sampai la ke hari aku nak kawin. And tregedi yang berlaku 3 hari sebelum pernikahan aku betul2 membuka mata aku betapa ayah aku banyak berkorban untuk aku.
When talking about wedding, i am very2 sure we have our dream wedding. Aku pun x terkecuali. And for us orang melayu, one of the most important parts of the wedding is the pelamin. Sekarang ni pun ada mcm2 jenis pelamin yang cantik2 yang ramai orang impikan untuk hari bahagia mereka. With all the creative and beautiful designs siapa yang xnak naik pelamin kan?
My akad nikah would be held on Saturday 5th of June. So on that wednesday 2nd of June i departed from raub. At 3 pm i went to fetch my dad at lipis railway station. Lepas fetch dia, terus kami pulang ke kota bharu. On the way back, suddenly i received a call from this kakak bridal asking for the direction to my house sebab dia nak pasang pelamin on that day. Hati pun berbunga2 bila fikir sampai rumah pelamin dah tersergam indah. But i didn't inform my dad about it. I did mention to him that i would like to have a pelamin just to snap pictures. Not for the purpose of bersanding because i know the hukum of bersanding. Bersanding adalah haram sbb ia meniru budaya agama Hindu. And my father just kept quiet about it.
We reached home at 9 p.m. So i masuk rumah and saw the pelamin. I pun naik ke atas nak tengok bilik pengantin. Both were gorgeous. After observing the room, i pun turun bawah and told my mom how i like the room. Then she told me, ayah was very mad at me. I went to search for him in his room. His face was like scarlet red and he was packing his bag while mumbling "Ayah nak lari." I tried to explain to him but he insisted on running away. When my mom saw him packing his bag, she tried to stop him, to calm him and ask him to berbincang. But my dad only saw red. Aku pun dah x tahu nak buat apa nk cakap apa. When he was leaving, my mom peluk dia menangis-nangis begging him not to leave. Can u imagine my feeling in that situation? So aku pun bagitahu ayah aku akan call akak bridal tu to take off the pelamin. Xpelah aku berkorban just for him. But even though aku cakap macam tu kat ayah, dalam hati aku ni bergolak dengan macam-macam perasaan. So i took my car keys, started the engine, and went off.
Yes i ran away that night. Dalam kereta i was crying like it's the end of the world and i was without a place to go. I was totally heartbroken. Rasa nak call off the wedding. Like everything is ruined. My dream crushed. The picture of the wedding faded away. I pergi round satu kota bharu in tears. Tried to call mr.Fiance but couldn't get through since he was on the way back to his kampung too. When I stopped at the petrol station, he called. Aku meraung-raung cerita kat dia and bagitahu dia aku lari dari rumah and xnak balik2 dah. He tried to console me. Asking me to go back. He said, it's ok if ayah x bagi pasang pelamin, sbb yang penting keberkatan dari dia yang menentukan kebahagiaan kami.
I stayed at the petrol station for almost an hour. Then I received a call from ma. Dia menangis-nangis mintak aku balik rumah. When i heard her crying, i also cried telling her i felt so embarassed to go home. Rasa macam anak derhaka. But she kept begging me and telling me ayah was not angry anymore and he was waiting for me outside the house. So i drove home slowly. My sister also called me suruh balik since it was already late. When i was about to reach the house, i parked the car several metres away because i didn't have the courage to return home. Duduk lagi dalam kereta. Then my brother in law found me and he went back home to inform my sister. After a few minutes, my sister came and sit next to me into the car telling me how my dad is worried about me. I pun luahkan semua perasaan to my sister. Then we went back home.
Sampai di rumah, ma sambut aku and suruh aku jumpa ayah. Ayah came to me and i held his hand seeking for his forgiveness. Aku peluk ayah and cried on his shoulder. Dia pujuk aku tepuk2 belakang aku and bagitahu yang dia x marah dan dia sayangkan aku. When he did that, i could feel he really cares about me. Sayangnya ayah kat aku. Kasihnya dia pada anak perempuan bongsu dia yang dia tatang baik2.
And that night, i lost sleep. I thought it would just end there. Tapi the next morning, i still cannot heal the broken heart. Aku lari lagi pergi PCB untuk tenangkan diri. And after that i went to finish some errands with the intention of "not staying at home for the rest of the day". I called my sist-in-law, Kak Irni, who has been playing the biggest role for my wedding. I told her everything about that night. And she went to tell my brother. Then my brother called me. He was very shocked to know about this. He advised me a lot of things which surprisingly really calmed me down. He told me that i'm the anak emas of ma and ayah. They have sacrificed a lot for me in terms of money and energy. So why can't i sacrifice my dream for them. And yes, i agreed to what my brother said. Even though i'm 28 this year, i'm still their favourite child. Daddy's little girl. In my family, i receive the most attention from my parents. Everything that i want, they would provide them for me.
So then i gave in. Aku xnak jadi anak yang derhaka. I don't want to do something which i might regret in the future. Jangan disebabkan pelamin yang tidak mendapat keberkatan, rumahtangga aku dilanda badai. Memang sedih mengenangkan pelamin anganku dimusnahkan ayah sendiri. But if i were given a choice between dreams and barakah, i choose barakah. Barakah from the Almighthy.
"I am a wife now. But i will always be your little girl, Ayah."
All this tragedy has opened my eyes that everything will not come out as what we have dreamed and planned. Some plans need to be altered according to situations. And the situations incorporate people around us. I should not just see the short term happiness. This is not just about the wedding, what significant is the marriage. The long term, endless, blessed happiness.
Blessed and blissful.
(Abaikan date and time tersebut)
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